14
The Beginning
Sunday, November 14, 2004
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*Reprint* B.L.O.G. Beginning to BLOG for the first time…don’t have any idea how this works or why so many interesting people are excited about it. But they are genuinely excited about blogging and so I felt obligated to blog. Like when I started smoking… Listening to people talk while smoking is not as interesting as watching them …”I just heard your demo…ffuuuhh…how do you know Megan? …ffuugh…how long have you been playing?… ffuuh…do you listen to Buckley?…ffuuh”…liking the way their mouth moves around a smoke, the way they exhale, circles, or one big cloud, or out the side of their mouth like the steam pouring out of the dry cleaner’s ventpipe… even if their conversation is completly redundant. I do the side of the mouth xhale…not because it is especially sexy, or cool,…just comes natural because my jaw sits uneven. What makes mine, mine, is the audible feature, a signature sound…I make a long exhalation like the sound candles hear before they are wet with wishes…some of my friends give me a hard time for all my “ffuuh’s and ffuughs” but I think I like it. An audible sound when you breath…it lets me know that I have at least one left…and the rythmn is soothing. Like talking and smoking near the ocean…fffuuuh…fffuuuh. On Friday I will be playing on the radio for the first time. I am really anxious but not allowing myself to think about it…I keep waiting for a phone call saying it’s not going to happen, so I haven’t reheased a damn note… not the best outlook I think…but a very honest one. I am lying to myself about that. It’s just damn lazy. Good thing I gave myself some room for Mood Adjustment in this BLOG. I was sure that I couldn’t stay in the same frame of emotional plane for the entirety of this post. And just the thought of trying to stabilize myself and think at the same time left me quite uncomfortable during my typing and emoting. Not to mention I am loosing feeling in my left leg. Damn spine…must be all that smoking. I hope I don’t have to blog now everytime I get drunk…maybe I’ll get wifi.
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