I’m in a holding pattern.

Circling over where I should land.

I think this is why I don’t like packing to travel early. I’m evolved now, and procrastination is a part of my preparation.

I’m anxious. I want to go to the airport right now. But I don’t fly for another 48 hours. Maybe I can go early. What will I do without a freakout before TSA realizing I’ve forgot something?! And then realizing that I probably checked it, but don’t really need it anyway.

At least I have “check-in” to look forward to… Getting in line to be in line. Jockeying for overhead space. Its fun. But people are taking it too seriously these days. The last 4 times I’ve flown Southwest someone behind me in line has asked, “Are you B44? I’m B45. Am I behind you?”

“I’m A12.” I comply, trying to feign concern.

“A12?!” They gasp.

“Yes. So you are behind me.” I reply over my shoulder, in hopes they will pick up on my unwillingness to discuss it. This fails.

“But you’re supposed to be way up there! You’re supposed to be boarding right NOW!” In escalating tones.

“I know.” I calmly and firmly reply.

“Why don’t you tell someone?!!”

At this point I turn and face B45 and stare them straight in the eyes.

“If people tell you that you’re one thing, and you know you’re not, who are you going to believe? Are you going to do EVERYTHING you’re told? Well?! So for all intents and purposes, I’m B44 because you’re behind me. So you’re in the right spot. And I’m not going to bow to a number on a card. Do you understand?”

B45 looks at me and blinks.

“Besides,” I continue. “I like sitting in the back of the plane so I can make multiple bathroom trips, and steal peanuts.”

At this point B45 squirms in their Hawaiian shirt and double checks their number, trying to sneak a peak at mine. I fold it quickly out of sight, and wink.

At that moment line begins to move, and I hear B45 turn around to B46 and whisper, “He’s not supposed to be here. He’s not a B.”

I drop 3 Advil, swallow and sigh.

Do I have my ear buds?

Crap. I’m doing it already.

I guess I don’t need ear buds.

rb